We're indebted to Dave Russell from Halifax, Nova Scotia for these witticisms: Now that Vancouver has won the chance to host the 2010 Winter Olympics, these are some questions people the world over are asking!!!! Believe it or not these questions about Canada were posted on an International Tourism Website, obviously the answers are a joke; but these questions were really asked: Q: I have never seen it to be warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow? (from England)
A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die.
Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (from USA)
A: Depends on how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto-can I follow the Railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only 4000 miles. Take lots of water Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da is that big country to your North...oh forget
it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. .
Q: Which direction is north in Canada? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (England)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays
every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you sell it in Canada? (USA)
A: Yes, anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)
A: Only at Thanksgiving Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gathers. Milk is illegal.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. (USA)
A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them
off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first. | 
